Chastity and the Key

My friend Chastity puts me to shame, she eats sensibly and exercises much more regularly than I, she also manages to get through the entire working week without one glass of wine

She is my example and I try to emulate her, even though she is 18 years my junior, which makes her of an age to be my daughter, a thought that is un-enticing to us both .

As a matter of fact I find that many of my younger companions, Whizz included, behave in a much more sensible manner than I. At one time I this made me feel down hearted and inadequate, but now, aged 55, I am rather proud of it.

Anyway, to get to the point: Sensible Chastity decided to go for a run (she can run 3.5 miles in 20 minutes whereas I jog 3 miles in 40 minutes). Because her trousers didn’t have a pocket, she slipped her house key where she always slips it, into the waist band.

She was almost home, rather red in the face and looking forward to a long cold glass of water, when she discovered that the key was missing. As she was in a field and out of view of the public she proceeded to check the inside of her trousers and her underwear to no avail. She hunted around in the grass but no, the key was lost.

Her neighbours, who kept a spare key, were both at work and to make matters worse she was due to go to the cinema with a friend that afternoon. The prospect of watching a rom com in sweaty knickers was less than appealing.

She continued home and, having satisfied herself that no windows had been left ajar and that despite her exercise she was not slim enough to enter through the cat flap, she called her afternoon friend for help.

“Come here”, cried the friend, “I’ll give you lunch and you can borrow something of mine until Camp (Chastity’s husband) comes home!” I need to diversify a little here to reassure you that the names Chastity and Camp do not suggest what you might be thinking they do. Camp, occasionally goes camping with his son Fame and Whizz and Mavis, hence his nickname. Chastity’s name will be explained anon.

The friend drove over to collect Chastity who had a quick wash and changed into some fresh clothes, they had a bite to eat and set off for the cinema.

After purchasing their tickets they decided, given the length of the film, that a stop at the loo would be advisable. Chastity entered a cubicle and dropped her knickers and, as she sat down, she heard a faint “clink”. She rose to investigate and there, in the toilet pan, was her lost key! She had to plunge her hand into the disgusting bowl and fish out the key before emerging to explain very sheepishly to her friend what had happened. She still can’t understand where it came from, and I’d rather not think about that too deeply.

So now you know why she’s named Chastity. She had a key in her knickers!