Tag Archives: Child Quotes

Child Quote 8

Mavis gets older and the quotes become more risque!

Whizz, Mavis and I went for a small outing to a farm park, in the rain, 40 minutes drive away. This was not one of our more successful ideas but at least we were out as a family.

Mavis equipped herself with all the necessary gadgets to while away the travelling time. The I-phone had a version of The Simms on it.

I don,t know if you are familiar with The Simms. I only know what I have heard during the running commentary provided by Mavis for the entire 40 minute journey. It seems one adopts a persona and becomes a member of a virtual community. Mavis decided to be a nasty person. She then proceeded to enter other people’s houses via unlocked back doors, steal their food, use their toilets and sleep in their beds, sometimes while they were present.

Occasionally she would be asked questions on the touch screen like ‘What would you like to do?’ with several options. It was one of these questions that made Whizz and I prick up our ears.

‘Do you want to Woo Hoo?’ Mavis, read from the screen.

‘What’s Woo Hoo?’ I asked innocently.

‘I think it’s sex.’ replied Mavis dubiously.

A few questions followed and we decided that yes, Woo Hoo was sex. I eyed Whizz ‘Is this suitable for a 10-year-old?’ I muttered under my breath.

‘Maybe not.’ came the reply. But there wasn’t much we could do.

Mavis continued to sleep with anyone she could, and Whizz and I couldn’t help grinning at the commentary.

‘I’m sleeping with Johnny.’

‘Are you sure that’s a good idea?’

‘Oh yes, it’s OK, we got married. Johnny says he thinks I’m getting romantic’

‘Why does he think that?’

‘I’ve just chosen ‘Hot Smooch.’ A pause as the screen is activated. ,Do you want to Woo Hoo?’

another pause then:

‘Touch anywhere to continue.’

Child story 7

OK so now she’s got a sense of humour there’s no stopping her, especially if there’s something she wants.

So there we are, 31st December and Mavis decides that her bedroom is too small for her needs. ‘Daddy?’, she enquires sweetly, ‘Could we knock my bedroom into Horace’s to make it bigger?’

Now strangely enough this is something we have been considering – in the long term plan you understand, and certainly not this year. Whizz’s face clearly depicts some hesitation, the possibility of a ‘Maybe’ type of answer so Mavis plunges on quickly ‘It doesn’t have to be this year or anything, next year would do’. A little pause for thought ‘Like tomorrow!’

Child Quote 6

It comes as a surprise when your child develops a skill she has not hitherto demonstrated. You know your child will grow into an adult and that along the way she will do new things but, nonetheless, when they present themselves they still impress.

Sadly for Mavis, when it comes to a sense of humour, she has as her examples Whizz and I. Still, when she says something witty, it makes us laugh.

Over the Christmas period Mavis has been going to bed later and later. Occasionally I have half-heartedly suggested that we try to ease in to school by bringing bedtime nearer to normal but when the time comes, I have become engrossed in a book or other project and her official bedtime has passed. This results in a sudden urgency to get her to bed, thwarted by her own inimitable tactics: I feel sick. I’m hungry, I … am … going … as … um … e-e-er … fa-a-a-st … as … I … can, and so on.

On this particular occasion Mavis was offered the opportunity to join us watching a film or to go to bed before it started and read a book for a while. She was not that keen on the proposed film but was torn between it and the unwelcome prospect of an early night. “We-e-ll” she pronounced, “I wouldn’t mind watching a bit of the film”.

“Which bit?” demanded Whizz

After a slight pause she grinned and announced, “The last bit.”

Grumpy Old Man

It was Mavis’s 9th birthday last week and much to our delight she decided that instead of a party she would like to take a friend to see The Sound Of Music on stage at the London Palladium.

Whizz was away in Minnesota so it fell to me to get us there and back taking in a trip to Hamleys in between. I was a little nervous as I don’t really know my way around London but I had Horace with me for moral support and it is quite a simple trip so we arrived safely and with plenty of time to spare.

The day proceeded to plan and it wasn’t until the return journey that Mavis and her friend Puddy began to get a bit restless. The carriage was sparsely occupied so when they asked if they could get up and wander round a bit I agreed. Unfortunately they became a bit too boisterous and started sliding down the vertical hand rails and swinging from the horizontal ones in great excitement accompanied by shrieks of pleasure. This was too much and I ordered them to return to their seats immediately so they came dancing back, still laughing and being noisy.

Puddy suddenly pointed to the back of the carriage and in a very loud voice shouted “There’s a very grumpy man at the back of this carriage!”

I was absolutely mortified, I ducked my head below the top of the back seat and hissed “Puddy, that’s very rude! Come here and sit down!” But she just stood there pointing and said “No, it’s all right, look, there he is.”

I peeked over the back of my seat to be confronted by a poster of a rather cross looking man.

Mavis was hysterical with laughter as she saw the varying emotions crossing my face. We spent the rest of the journey snorting with laughter every time we thought about it. The two young men who were still in our carriage were grinning too.

Child Story 5

My friend was going out leaving her husband to look after the children for the evening.

She got herself dressed, did her make up, added perfume and jewellery and swept into the lounge to say goodbye.

Wife: How do I look?

Husband : Mmm

Young Son: Well I think you took beautiful Mummy

Wife (feeling a warm glow of gratitude): Thank you darling!

Wife moves towards door to leave

Son (In loud whisper to father): But she smells HORRIBLE!