Tag Archives: drink

The Demon Drink

Whizz is not much of a drinker. He will have the occasional beer, and drink wine at a dinner party or meal out but in the main he is, for me, a very valuable chauffeur.

tring beers for illustration of a funny drinking tale

‘Twas not always thus, though. When he was much younger, learning moderation skills, he went to a party and began to drink Bacardi and Coke. When the Coke ran out, he continued drinking neat Bacardi in plastic cups, propped up against a wall to maintain ‘verticality’.

When his knees began to sag he was thrust out of the front door in the interests of the carpet, and minutes later, having scaled a six foot fence, he arrived back in the kitchen demanding (slurring for) more alcohol. At some point he passed out, and in the small hours, the long suffering father of a friend took him home to his sister, Fret’s, house, first equipping Whizz with a plastic bag in case of ‘accident’. Somehow Whizz made it into bed. Of course he can’t remember much about that.

Now, Fret had a small job marking up newspapers each Sunday, and at the same time, Whizz had a job at the local Makro cash and carry. Not knowing the time and state of his arrival home, Fret, very helpfully, woke Whizz for work. He was still drunk, and as she passed the living room on the way out of the front door, he was doing press ups in the middle of the carpet.

Whizz walked to work and spent much of the morning, bouyed up by the alcohol levels in his blood. At some point though, the after effects of his night hit him, and when one customer asked him the location of an item, his response was a multi-coloured yawn. Yes, he was violently ill, right there, in the aisle.

The customer wandered off and Whizz was booked into the sick room as ‘feeling faint’. He slept, for quite a while, and when he awoke, he was drunk again. The understanding Medical Officer decided that the best place for him would be in the car park, collecting trolleys so he spent the rest of the day scooting round on the trolleys playing dodgems with the cars.

supermarket trolleys for funny drinking tale

The most amazing thing about this is that he was paid – double time because it was Sunday. Eeh, they had it good in them days.

Now that’s what I call ‘customer service’

Some time ago, during my Friday evening fest of wine drinking and communing with Facebook, I reached a particularly engaged moment  and knocked over my glass of wine.

Oh no I thought as the glass evaded my grasp, there goes a whole glass of wine. What a waste. Oh No! Something else has gone wrong in the life of the authorThen I saw the direction the wine was arcing. Yes, straight for the keyboard of my laptop.

Being well educated by Whizz on what to do in such circumstances (I also know that I should put my mobile phone straight into a bowl of uncooked rice after retrieving it from the toilet bowl), I took out the battery and turned the machine upside down onto a towel. Nonetheless, the next morning, it was seriously dead.

Fortunately, nay imperatively, we have accidental damage cover on our contents insurance, so I rang Direct Line, and after noting the details of the accident, they told me they would have it collected to check whether it could be fixed. My laptop was very old, and already limped, in fact the wine incident, although entirely accidental, turned out to be well worth the loss of the wine, which I did not, dear reader, squeeze from the towel to drink later, despite what you may think of me. In short, I ended up with a shiny new Toshiba laptop. What a result. Continue reading Now that’s what I call ‘customer service’

When Size Matters

A woman should never complain when her husband is helpful. It’s bad form and she runs the risk of him refusing further attempts. A husband should be rewarded with respect and gratitude when he takes up his domestic hat, and dusts it off before making for the supermarket or the Marigolds.

It was to Costco that Whizz headed, on his way home from a hard day with a customer. I wouldn’t have done that, I’d have wanted to get back and watch the sun set with a gin sling, so I was very grateful and even felt a little guilty (It’s a generation thing) when I accepted his offer and gave him a fairly long list. What I didn’t say was,

‘Only buy what is on the list.’ It would have been disrespectful and anyway he often remembers something I haven’t. Continue reading When Size Matters